Personal Files

Andy

Full name: Andrew lvan Bell. Ivan's my dad's name. Sometimes I try to impress people by telling them I'm from Russian descent, even though it's not true.

BORN: 25/4/64 in Peterborough.

DO YOU HAVE ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS?

I've got one brother called Gary and four sisters called Diane, Karen, Elaine and Alison, and I'm the oldest. I suppose that the reason I'm such a cissy is because of my four sisters. I always much preferred playing with their dolls than any macho toys like Action Men.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?

I live in Hampstead in London. It's very posh, yes, but then again I've lived in so many grotty places in my time I think I deserve a nice place.

DID YOU EVER GET BEATEN UP AT SCHOOL?

Yeah, a few times. All the other boys thought I was a cissy and a poof. The worst time was outside Woolworths when I was waiting for my nan. This crowd of boys came along and said "who are you waiting for?", so I told them it was a lady and they said "Woooargh . . . is she a bit of alright?" and so I said "yes". Then they asked me who it was and when I told them it was my nan, they beat me up!!

HAVE YOU ANY "INTERESTING" NEW STAGE COSTUMES?

Well, to take the place of my ruby slippers which are now defunct, I've got a pair of ruby Doc Martens!. They're easier to walk in, which is nice. I've also got a new purple bathing-suit with tassles on the crotch and a Thai silk flowing shirt with hearts on the lapels. I suppose I only wear these things to show off. I've not got the confidence to wear them out to a club, so I wear them onstage instead.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SICK IN YOUR RUBY DOC MARTENS?

I've never been sick in them, no, but I have been sick when I was wearing them. I often feel sick when I'm onstage because I get so nervous. One night in Stockholm, we came offstage and I threw up in this sink and then we had to go back onstage to do an encore. It was horrible.

WHAT DO YOU RECKON ON "THE PETERBOROUGH EFFECT"?

I just think that it's ruined the Peterborough that I grew up in. There're lots of new people living there because of all the new businesses that have moved up there. It used to be a small town where you knew everything that was going on, but now it's all flashy and commercialised.

WHAT ARE YOU GIVING VINCE FOR CHRISTMAS?

I really don't know. He likes gadgets of course. I bought him one of those sort of high-tech see-through telephones with neon lights inside it for his birthday. He was really pleased with that. He really likes sort of household novelty items, so I'll probably get him something like that.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IN THE BATH?

Oooh, I think about everything ... I think about our new single ... writing new songs ... where I'm going to go out that night ... whether my parents are going to be coming to stay next week or not. Sometimes when I'm washing my legs I think "Oooh, they look OK.!" I've never shaved my legs, no. I don't have to because the hairs are blond. But I've shaved my armpits a couple of times. It gave me a nasty rash though.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

The meaning of life is that we don't mean a goddamn thing here on Earth and we're all completely screwed up, but the best thing is just to be happy and peaceful.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BITTEN BY A SHARK?

No, I haven't been bitten by a shark, but on holiday in Jamaica this year I was stung by a jellyfish and I stood on a sea urchin. Which is the most painful? Definitely the urchin. It's really horrible because they sort of inject poison into you with little needles, so it makes your foot go all numb but it really hurts at the same time. My foot swelled up and the doctor dripped hot wax on it to draw all the poison out. It made me feel very queasy.

DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE AN OLD BLOKE WHO GOES TO EASTBOURNE ON COACH TRIPS AND ANNOYS EVERYONE BY OFFERING THEM BOILED EGGS AT THE BACK OF THE BUS?.

No, never. For a start, I hate coach trips and I only like boiled eggs when they're soft and hot, which they wouldn't be if you took them onto the bus with you. I think I shall probably be writing my memoirs, going for walks in the park, just being a homely person. Either that or I'll be living somewhere very hot and I'll be all brown and wrinkly. . .

Vince

FULL NAME: Vincent Clarke. No middle names

BORN: 3/7/61 in Basildon, Essex.

DO YOU HAVE ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS?

Yeah. One sister who runs a coffee shop and two brothers - one who's a graphic designer and another who's in a band. He's a keyboards player too, but he never asks me for tips. He's into something different. Something a bit more funky than I am.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?

In a house in West London with my girlfriend Anne, my brother (the one in the band) and his mate. We all get on great, which is handy. There're never any quarrels about people not doing the dishes or anything like that, and it's a nice place too. Grey and pink. I chose the pink and Anne chose the grey.

DID YOU EVER GET BEATEN UP AT SCHOOL?

Nah, not really. It's funny really because I suppose I was a bit soft really. I was just quite good at avoiding dodgy situations I suppose.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMOUS ANCESTORS?

Not famous ones, I don't think. I know that my grandad used to be a professional gambler though. He made quite a comfortable living out of going to the greyhound racing and survivng off whatever he managed to win.

ARE YOU WORRIED BY THE SALMONELLA "EPIDEMIC" IN EGGS?

Nah, not at all. I suppose I should really since I've got gastric flu at the moment. I've got a dodgy stomach and I'm running to the loo every five minutes, so a dose of salmonella is the last thing I need right now haha. I like my eggs too much to worry about all that. I'm a big fried egg sandwich man myself! I think the figures are probably being exaggerated anyway.

HAS ANYONE EVER COMPLAINED ABOUT A HAIRCUT YOU'VE GIVEN THEM?

Never to my face, no. The last time we were on tour I did our sound guy's hair and I don't think he was too happy with the result. It was really dark in the venue so I couldn't see very well and I think it ended up being a lot shorter than he'd wanted it. I cut most of the people in the road crew's hair these days.

WHAT'S THE STRANGEST DREAM YOU'VE EVER HAD?

I had a weird dream the other night actually. I dreamt that my eyebrows started growing really think and started creeping up my forehead until they met up with my receding hairline, and I was looking in the mirror thinking "Mmmm ... that looks quite good"! I suppose this must have something to do with the fact that I often worry about going completely bald.

CAN YOU PLAY "ROLL OUT THE BARREL" ON YOUR SYNTHESISER?

Yeah, I suppose I could if you gave me a minute or two to work it out. I don't know many other people's tunes on my keyboard though. Sometimes at soundchecks I play Gary Numan's "Are Friends Electric?" for a bit of a laugh.

HAVE YOU EVER FOUND ANY SILVERFISH IN YOUR MATTRESS?

No, I've never found any strange insects in my mattress, funnily enough. I remember when I was younger and I lived with my parents that I always seemed to find cockroaches and spiders and things in the kitchen. I'm not frightened of insects, no, but I'm not very fond of them. If I find a spider in the bathroom, I definitely won't pick it up because that's a bit horrible. I'll just trample on it.

HAS ANYONE EVER MISTAKEN YOU FOR JIM BOWEN?

Who's he? Oh! The bloke off Bullseye! Nah, course not. I did get mistaken for Vince Hill (old codger who once sang "Edelweiss") once though. I was standing in a shop and this bloke came up to me and said "'Ere, aren't you Vince Hill?", and his mate said "Nah, he's Vince Clarke!". I think he was pretty embarrassed really, but I gave him my autograph anyway.

WHAT ARE YOU GIVING ANDY FOR CHRISTMAS?

I can't tell you because you'll print it and then he'll find out. I didn't buy him his purple bathing suit with the tassles on the crotch, no. I got him a walkman last year.

DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE AN OLD DUFFER WHO POTTERS AROUND HIS ALLOTMENT AND ENTERS HIS CABBAGES INTO GARDENING SHOWS?

I don't think I'll enter cabbages into a gardening show, no, but I'm quite keen on gardening. The garden around the back of my house hasn't been taken care of for years, so I'm going to make a start on it in Spring. I don't reckon I'll be one of these active old people who tries to stay young. I'll probably just be ancient and decrepit and sit in my armchair all day, inventing tunes in my head...