Smash hits yearbook 1990 


Who are you then?

Who am I? I'm Mr Andrew Ivan Bell, 25 years old, of London NW3. I'm a



What have you got in your fridge?

Uh. There's some cauliflower, some milk, Flora, some Indian. A little Indian

boy haha.(?) My fridge is always pretty much well stocked. I usually go

shopping for food every day because I don't often go for a big Sainsbury's

blow-out or anything.


Have you ever written an angry letter to a magazine or "news"paper?.

Yeah, I have. It got completely ignored. It was after I went to see Phantom

Of The Opera. There was this woman there wearing a huge fur coat made out of

about 24 baby foxes with all their heads and tails and paws and things. It

was gross. She thought she was dead glamorous. So I wrote a letter to the

Evening Standard about it, saying how disgusting it was. They didn't print


Do you have any interesting scars?

Yeah, I've got one on my chin from when I fell off my bike. And I've got an

appendix scar.That was from when one time when I felt really ill and the

doctor came around and told me I had flu. The next day I was even worse, so

I walked down to the casualty ward of my local hospital and they took me in

straight away and took my appendix out that very night. It was quite good

afterwards because it was like being on a health farm for a week. I've never

looked so good!. It was like I'd had a deeply religious experience..


Whose is the most famous person's autograph that you have?

The most famous person?. Madonna. I had it sent to me from one of my friends

who works with her sometimes in LA. It just says " To Andy and Paul, lots of

love, Madonna".


Do you always give money to people in the street who're collecting for


Not to people who're collecting for charity, but if there's someone standing

there who looks really dirty, as though they need a meal, then I'll give

them some money. Or if somebody asks me for a cigarette then I'll usually

give them what's left in my packet. I give money to some charities, if it's

for environmental or AIDS charities or cancer research, but I never give

money to the Salvation Army or all that lot.


Have you ever woken up laughing?

I think I might have done. Yeah probably. Or woken up singing or summat. I

sing in my sleep. Actually, I have woken up laughing, now I come to think of

it. I was laughing so loud I woke myself up haha!


Have you ever been arrested?

I haven't been arrested. I've been with lots of people who've been arrested

but I haven't managed to get myself arrested - yet. We went to a Gay Pride

march in Rugby and all sat in the middle of the road and the police came

along and started dragging people off by the hair. It's funny though because

most of the people there didn't have enough hair to grab hold of.


When was the last time you were sick?

I can't remember. It must have been over a year ago. It's always drink or

bad food that makes me sick. I like to get it over and done with though.

It's always the feeling before you're sick that's worst, rather than

actually being sick, isn't it?


Are you afraid of flying?

No, I love it. I just think it's like being on a rollercoaster and when

we're landing I just feel like putting my hands up in the air and

screaming!. I just think "If we crash, that's cool". I wouldn't care, not

unless I was maimed for life or summat. I've been in one plane that dropped

about 100 feet in the sky. That was pretty scary, but at least I know what

it feels like to be plummeting towards the Earth!.


Have you ever had your fortune told?

Yeah, I have, I had it told to me by my best friend when I was a teenager.

He had tarot cards and he said I would end up joining one of the services,

like the Air Force or something. Then I had it told in New York last year.

They just said stupid things like " There are two loves in your life and

you're going to have to choose between them" and "You're going to have four

kids" and rubbish like that.


Who first told you about the birds and the bees?

My Mum, sort of. She made me watch a sex education programme on TV and told

me I could ask questions afterwards. I found it quite boring haha.


When was the last time you blubbed in public?

I dunno. Probably when I was a kid. I don't usually do it in public. I do it

in private. I haven't cried for a few months now. The last time was when

everything was getting a bit much for me. The usual stuff.


Have you ever peed in a bus shelter?

Not in a bus shelter, no, but up alleyways and in bushes. All the time. Do I

ever worry about being caught?. No, I don't , I just worry about getting it

caught in me zipper haha!.


When was the last time you went to church?

It was when I first joined Erasure. I went to Westminster Cathedral to say

"thanks a lot" and light a few candles and take in some of the incense. I

think it's good to pop into a church every five years or so, just to

replenish yourself.


Have you ever phoned up one of the perv phone lines in Sunday Sport?

No. They're just silly. I phoned up a Kylie Minogue phone line once to hear

her ' Hand On Your Heart' single. It was something unusual to do, I suppose.


How often do you listen to your own records?

Quite a lot. I get off on them in the beginning and then I get sick of them

after ages and ages. Then I have to listen to them two or three years later

and try and get into them again. But that's quite hard because you've

usually out - listened them by then. I've always got 12"s and albums at home

so I can give them away to people.


What's 12 x 8 divided by 6?

12 x 8...64...8! No...76,, 86, no. Vince, do it on your

calculator!... ( Rather lengthy pause )...15, no, 16!. I didn't cheat. They

all use calculators at school now!.


Have you ever been to the moon?

No. I wouldn't mind seeing the Earth from the Moon though. I don't know if

I'd fancy hanging around on the moon though. It's much too dusty...


Would you want to live forever?

I don't know. I suppose we're all spirits and we can all see what's going on

after we die. We're all energy. I don't think I'd want to live forever

because I wouldn't want to experience it, but I'd like to be around in a

spiritual sense to see what's going on. I don't want to be a ghost, no. Just

a particle, maaan!.


This interview is also available at Mark's Relentless Pursuit Of Erasure Page with some extra comments at the end from moi!!